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The Watch Dog

Written by Bryan A. Thompson



<Enter Kramer sliding - he heads for the refrigerator and ransacks it>

Kramer: <Over his shoulder> "Jerry, ya gotta help me."

Jerry: "Oh, what now, did you run out of food again?"

Kramer: "Yeah, and you *know* what happens when Strawberry gets hungry, don't you? There's trouble, that's what!"

Jerry: "I told you not to get that dog. He's gonna cost you a fortune in food, and he'll probably get you thrown out of your apartment, too. He's gonna eat you out of house *and* home."

Kramer: "He's a trick dog, Jerry, a trick dog! You don't just turn a trick dog out into the street, Jerry, I can't, I won't. <In his imitating Jerry voice> That dog's a meal ticket, not a liability."

Jerry: "Whaddya mean he's a trick dog, what, does he juggle, maybe has a little doggie hat with a pigeon in it or something? And how's the dog going to buy *you* a meal?"

Kramer: "Two words, Jerry - Tele Vision. With a little coaching, he could be the next Beethoven. That dog is going places. Yeah!"

Jerry: "What kind of tricks can the dog do?"


Jerry: "Hold on." <then to the intercom> "Yeah."

Elaine: <off screen> "Yeah."

Jerry: <to the intercom> "'mon up."

Kramer: <back to searching for food> "You were there, you heard the ringmaster, didn't you? He's an all-purpose trick dog. Any trick you teach him, he learns it. You say, 'sit up,' he does it. 'Roll over,' Giddyup. Last night, I taught him to tell time."

<Enter Elaine>

Jerry: "You what? How do you teach a dog to tell time?"

Elaine: "Thats the *stupidest* thing I've heard you say all week."

Kramer: "Really, he can *tell time*"

Elaine: "Maybe the stupidest thing, *ever*."

Jerry: "How do you know that the dog can tell time? You ask him what time it is, he can't tell you, what does he do, stomp his foot like Mr. Ed?"

Elaine: <Laughing at her own joke> "I'll bet he makes a hell of a racket when he 'barks' midnight."

Kramer: "No, no, you've got it all wrong. I just tell him what time I want to wake up, and he watches the clock, and when its that time, he barks."

Jerry: "Oh, I've *got* to see this."

Elaine: "Is he a digital dog, or one with hands?"

Kramer: "He's a watch dog!" <Goofy smile>

Elaine: "How long'd it take you to think of that one?"

Kramer: "I'm just kidding - Strawberry's favorite clock is the cat clock. He watches the tail for hours. He's very attentive. But if he doesn't eat, it throws off his internal chronometer and he forgets all of his tricks, so if you doubting Thomases will excuse me..."

<Exit Kramer>

Elaine: "What kind of a doofus names a dog Strawberry, anyway?"

Jerry: "Kramer's favorite band is Strawberry Alarm Clock - he was actually thinking about going on tour with them at one time."

<To Be Continued...>


[Authors Comment: The idea for this comes from a guy I worked with at the time. Claimed to have a dog that could tell time.]


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